Or at least I'm used to saying that. I am ok sometimes. Then sometimes I'm not. But honestly I'm so tired of not being ok. So many things are making me not ok.
I don't have a baby...........and I see people all around me that have babies and don't appreciate them. I'm ok with putting a baby on hold but sometimes it hits me that I don't have the baby I am supposed to have and I'm not ok.
My friend died. She walked out in front of a van. How does that happen? She was a walking healthy 29 year old one minute and dead the next. That's not fair. I haven't talked to her in 10 years, we lost touch when I moved. But I have looked for her on Myspace and Facebook....she's always one of those that I have hoped to get back in touch with. And now that hope is gone.....well at least postponed in this life.
My best friend is moving away. I know I know it's the military and I knew it could happen. It's bound to happen. People get orders. But I had tucked that thought far far away from my conscious mind. Well can't tuck it away anymore. They leave in June. I'm going to miss her like crazy.
But along with all of these things I have lots going on that make me ok. I have a friendship blossoming into something I hadn't expected. I'm extremely happy for this.
Jess's baby shower is this weekend! I'm so excited for this! I only wish we knew more people. It's going to be a rather small turn out....but I'm going to make the best of it!
My family is amazing. I love them so much and my husband is my rock. I don't know what I would do without him.
So sometimes I'm ok and sometimes I'm not. But I'm trying to be ok. Even if I have to pretend to be sometimes. Maybe if I keep pretending I'll believe it's true.
