I thought I'd be ok by now.....

I thought I'd be ok by now.....I thought I'd be pregnant by now......but I'm neither. Some days are easier than others. Some questions are easier than others. It seems like there is so much pregnancy and joy around me and it feels like my world is crumbling down with every monthly reminder that I'm not pregnant anymore. I know that God has a plan for me and His timing is perfect...but I wish His timing and mine could be a little more in sync. My heart is torn and it isn't mending. I suffer in silence. I don't cry in front of anyone any more. I don't talk about it. I put a strong front up so everyone thinks I'm ok. I want to be ok. I need to be ok. I just don't know how to be ok.